there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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