you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
