I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
