pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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