Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
