did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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