I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
