I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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