M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Someone shattered a urinal.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
