Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
