Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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