I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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