Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
