I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
