M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
