What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
