The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
