Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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