You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize