nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
