I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
