Please, let me fuck your mom
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You smell like stripper and shame
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
