if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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