remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
