the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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