She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize