anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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