I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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