i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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