So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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