Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
