I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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