There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
