420 ftw
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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