Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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