You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
