Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
