it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
