So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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