You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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