Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
someone threw a dead crab at me
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
