I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
