K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
