Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
