the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
