just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm passing your future prison.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
