I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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