Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I have tasted many bathrooms
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
