Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
