our cab driver is having phone sex.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
