guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
