You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
