u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
