I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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