Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
