I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
