This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize