I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
