I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
