that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
