dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Still dying that you shit outside
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
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