yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
