Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
