So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
