I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
