I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
