I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
