Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
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