"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
