The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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