i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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