i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Dicks are not precious.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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