i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
nutella sex= disaster
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
