can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
