The maid of honor just puked.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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