I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
