You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
