Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
