I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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