Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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