a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
