Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I did not marry a roomba.
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