No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The Olympian is in my bed
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