Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
