I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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