I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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