; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
