I just saw a hot homeless man
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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