i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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