Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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