party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
zippers are such a cool invention
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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