dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
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