dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize