Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
