About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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