Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
