he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
