why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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