you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
