all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
