I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
