Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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