so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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