Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Randomize
